THE OLD MAN AND THE RIVER X

6/6/2022     

Reed’s Landing is the starting point of the 21-mile long, natural reservoir, called Lake Pepin, that is nearly 2-miles wide and 25,600 acres big. It has the distinction of where water skiing was invented and has the only lighthouse on that river. Its huge size allows sailboats to glide through and stay clear of the navigable waters occupied by the barge trains that would turn them into toothpicks. Bill and Joe did their standard throttle wide-open response and cleared that lake in under an hour with a quarter of a tank of gas. It’s amazing how much better mileage 1 gets when you PUT YOUR MOTOR DOWN! The river soon narrowed back to its normal width as the navigation markers led the way. The next town up that brown, moving highway was Red Wing, Minnesota and gas shy Bill remembered his petrol problems 1 year ago. He elected to fill up the beast just to calm his river fuel nightmares. With a careful fill-up and a battle of wits with the quick come-back attendant named Cindy, the salty sailors cast off and continued upstream. Barring any unforeseen acts of ghosts, evil geniuses or God, their goal of Stillwater was obtainable later today. Passing through their final lock, Bill and Joe sailed alongside a nuclear reactor, tanning their thyroids and other internal organs, just so the uranium industry can exist. Nations have stockpiled enough weapons’ grade U235 to blow mankind to the moon, so extremely expensive powerplants were constructed to keep that industry afloat. All this to light up the flashing casino lights just up the river. The navigation markers enticed the Guppy to the casino docks, but gambling was a vice neither men were burdened with. They floated right on by, denying the Sioux the revenge that was due them. Four miles up the river, the Mississippi abruptly ended, and the Natives succeeded in tricking the white men into thinking they knew what they were doing. They spun the Guppy 180° and drove past the casino again. Stupid Palefaces. 

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