ALPHABET SOUP

6/29/2022       

The earth’s population contains 101.8 males for every 100 females, which makes the penis toting crowd a very slight majority by 1.8 people per 200. However, this is not the case as these 1.8 Homo Sapiens have been mistakenly misclassified. These 1.8 people reflect the latest media trend to recognize the Alphabet People, which is currently denoted as: LGBTQ. That stands for Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transvestite, and Queer that requires rules to keep the acronym from spreading across the entire 26 letters of the alphabet (to date, there is a 28-letter acronym that is all encompassing). Nature is constantly trying to maintain symmetry by producing 2 units that accomplish goals. In a human, there are 2 eyes, 2 ears, 2 arms, and 2 legs, but purists point out that there is only 1 head, 1 nose, 1 mouth, and 1 genitalia. Looking closer, there are 2 hemispheres of brain matter within that head: a right and a left. The nose contains 2 nostrils, and the mouth divides into 2 paths: the lungs and the stomach. As far as a single genitalia organ, regardless of sex, it has 2 purposes: 1 for reproduction and 1 for liquid excrement (urine). So, in reality, everything in nature is balanced equally unless a DNA mutation corrupts nature’s plan. These mutations constantly occur in small numbers as billions of humans reproduce. This has been occurring since the caveman days when a few brave souls wanted to be recognized and came out of the cave. With every new mutation, a new letter need not be added to the list but should just fall under the 1.8ers title. Someday a misread DNA strand will show up as a missing columella, and the skin between your nostrils will be lost. This will open up a group of males who will find sexual pleasure in sticking their penises into this new void. There is no sense in adding 2 more letters to the growing list of the Alphabet People’s acronym to signify their sole place in society. 1.8ers should suffice without adding NF to designate: NOSE FUCKERS. 

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