FURRIES

11/27/2022    

Just as the Alphabet People are breaking into mainstream recognition; another group is being pulled into that wake without any sort of resistance. They are the Furries. This collection of homogeneous humans wishes to be recognized as a 4-legged, fur toting mammal of their own choosing. Dogs and cats are common, lemurs and aardvarks are a rarer selection. Growing up with television, the internet, and an endless supply of anthropomorphic cartoons that have its roots in children’s stories and books, the Furries seek recognition by other bipeds who share the planet with these human crossbreeds. Little did anyone know that Sylvester the Cat, Deputy Dog, and Bugs Bunny would go on to become a way of life in a complex world full of self-expressions. Raised in today’s affluent entertainment industry that occupies a good portion of one’s daily existence, it was only a matter of time before humans decided they would exist in this world as a simple, cute pet. This way, the Furries can garnish more love and attention than their human counterparts that must be educated extensively in order to flourish in a capitalistic society. Furries only need to be house-broken and its ears and tails groomed daily. Here is where the human eyebrows get raised. Furries are demanding that cat litter boxes are being placed in school bathrooms in order to accommodate the Furries’ specific excrement habits. Plastic bags will soon show up in public lavatories so that the canine crowd can properly dispose of their own stools as they defecate on the floors. It won’t be long before pissing on hall walls and car tires become a trait of those wishing to mark their territory.  Surgically installing anal glans will now be put on medical dockets so as to allow these individuals to announce their procreation intentions. A Furry traveling in a subway may feel a sexual arousal of a human in transit and then anally spray that individual with pheromones to let them know that they are: THE SPECIAL ONE. 

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